Dating and Relationship

Posts Tagged ‘Engagement’

The announcement of an engagement to marry remains one of the most exciting moments in life. The definition of engagement is traditionally concerned with the promise of a marriage to come at the end. The period in which an engagement lasts can vary from just a few hours to years. The latter is called a long engagement has been the center of many jokes about the groom having wet feet.

History

The most commonly accepted theory about the origin of an official engagement period dates back to 1215 A.D

when Pope Innocent III officially declared that marriage proposals were to be publicly announced in churches by priests with a fixed time period between the announcement and the date of the marriage.

This time period was considered necessary so that any impediments to the proposed union could be discovered before it became too late.

Engagement Ring

The offering of an engagement ring from the male to the female is a traditional symbol of everlasting union as represented by the circle that never ends. This ring is worn on the finger of the left hand between the pinkie and middle finger.

Custom holds that this decision is based upon the ancient Roman belief that the so-called ring finger contained a vein that ran directly to the heart. The tradition of the engagement ring containing a diamond actually dates back to Italy in the 1400s, a tradition intensely marketed by the diamond industry in contemporary times.

Engagement Party

A party to announce the engagement was a long-standing tradition that has somewhat fallen out of favor today, except among the wealthy. However, it is becoming usual for a more casual dinner at a restaurant after an announcement has been made.

Whatever the type of celebration, it is a festive affair filled with good feeling. Traditionally, however, the engagement party was held to finalize contractual affairs related to arranged marriages and also offered the opportunity for either family to claim half the others property if the bride or groom reneged on the engagement.

Children

If this is your second or third engagement, and you have children from a previous relationship, it is considered the utmost in proper etiquette that you inform them of the new engagement before you tell anyone else. The main reason for informing children first, especially young ones, is to reassure them that they will not be forgotten or placed second in importance.

Even the most mature child is subject to feelings of alienation during the excitement period surrounding the announcement of an engagement.

Leap Year

The tradition has always been that an engagement is preceded by a proposal of marriage from man to woman. One engagement tradition that’s in danger of being completely lost to history is the custom of allowing women to be allowed to propose on Leap Day.

The practice of allowing women to initiate the process of an engagement was so strictly enforced in Scotland that a law was passed in 1288 that conferred a fine upon any man who rejected a proposal on February 29.

Letting the World Know

After you informed all your friends and family of the engagement, you may want to let the rest of the world in on your great news. Most newspapers have a section, usually in the Sunday edition, set aside for announcing engagements.

Call your local newspaper for specifics and particulars, but be aware that most papers allow the accompaniment of a photograph of you and your beloved. A more traditional way of getting the word out is mailing formal announcements. Expense aside, if you are planning on a traditional wedding, this may be an early consideration.

Parents

Back in the day, when most marriages were arranged, parental approval was all that mattered. Over time marrying for love, rather than convenience, became the rule rather than the exception, which brought about the often prickly matter of making sure the parents gave their blessing.

Today, parental blessing is mostly considered more a nicety than a necessity, but in cultures that retain a strict observation of marriage traditions the lack of a parental blessing can still be enough to call off the engagement before the marriage ceremony.

It is never easy to break a committed relationship, especially if you were planning to spend your lives together. However, ending an engagement when you know a relationship isn’t right can save you the greater pain of a divorce.

1. Follow the law regarding the ring. Etiquette requires that it always be returned no matter who calls off the marriage. In fact, certain states require the recipient to return the ring.

Other states consider the man’s situation in the split and some states decide ownership based on who ended the engagement. If the recipient ended it, she must return the ring. Otherwise, she can keep it. But in all cases, it’s best to give it back for closure.

2. Keep the conversation polite. Be honest, but not harsh. The person may learn lessons he or she can apply to future relationships.

3. Choose the right place to end the relationship. Never do it over the phone or in a place that is too public. Pick a place where you can both leave once the discussion is over. If you live together, make arrangements to stay with someone until you both figure out who will move out.

4. Time it right. Do not choose holidays or other special times to end the engagement. Do it in the middle of the week if possible. Work can take the other person’s mind off of the relationship, at least temporarily.

5. Plan what you’re going to say so you effectively communicate your decision. Try not to let tears get in the way and do not show that you are relieved. Remain as neutral as possible.

6. Wait to discuss any details about cancelling the wedding until later. If you’re early in your engagement and no formal wedding invitations have been sent, make a list of people you’ve told about your announcement.

7. Call or email the people you told about the engagement. Do not send a broadcast email. Let the other person take care of notifying his or her friends and family of the break up.