Dating and Relationship

Archive for the ‘Affairs’ Category

One of the best parts of a love affair is the excitement at the beginning. But now that you’re a few weeks or months into the affair, you find your excitement is waning.

You’re wondering if there’s anything you can do to keep a love affair exciting.

1. Try some time apart. Perhaps the reason your affair isn’t as exciting is because you’re spending every waking minute together.

Go out with some friends (remember them?) for some girl or guy time or find a hobby your lover isn’t into.

2. Tell your friends about it, if your love affair is a secret. Relive the beginning of your affair in the telling and you may find the excitement you’re craving.

3. Vary your sexual routine. Perhaps the reason your affair is getting boring is because your sex life is monotonous. Try different positions, different places and different times. Take your time having sex or if all you’re doing is spending time having sex, go for a quickie.

4. Take the time to send each other e-mails or text messages during the day, if possible. This helps you anticipate your time together.

5. Change your activities together. If all you do is spend your time at your place, try going to his place. Try a new restaurant or go out of town for the weekend. Find something fun to do in your city or a nearby city like a zoo or mini golf trip.

6. Purchase little gifts for each other. It doesn’t have to be anything big-a simple bouquet of flowers, CD or even a candy bar can go a long way to keeping your love affair exciting.

Few things are more devastating than learning of your spouse’s love affair. You might be asking yourself a barrage of questions that can be detrimental to your self-esteem. You wonder if it’s your fault, if you are the one who drove your spouse away into another person’s arms.

Plus, there’s also the embarrassment factor. However, you don’t have to beat yourself up over it, as more often than not it is the internal issues with the unfaithful spouse that are more to blame. Whether the affair is over or not, there are ways for you to deal with it and come out a better person in the end.

1. Confront your spouse about the affair if you have found out without his knowledge. The last thing you want to do is look the other way and pine for silver linings. You deserve a faithful spouse, and failing that, at least some honesty about the tryst.

This can be hard, but keep your cool as much as possible. Granted, you don’t want put on a faux air of perkiness, but try to sidestep outright rage, as it might put him on the defensive, thus further delaying the healing process if there is to be one.

2. Learn the details of the affair that you wish to know. Just what needs to be learned depends on the person. For instance, some need to know all of the lurid details in order to eliminate their imaginations from driving them crazy.

Others might see that as torturing themselves and only want to get the gist. Either way, knowing the “why” is the most important thing. What drove her to have an affair in the first place? Was it physical or emotional factors, or was it both?

3. Ask him if he wishes to continue the affair. His knee jerk reaction might be to say no, he doesn’t. However, if the fundamental flaws that led him to stray remain, then there’s a good chance he’ll either find someone else or resume the affair with the same partner.

Basically, is he sorry that things got so bad that he cheated, or is he sorry that he got caught? Plus, consider if the other lover is completely out of his life. If it’s a coworker or associate who can’t be totally excommunicated, then recovery can be problematic.

4. Seek professional therapy. You have all of the ingredients at this point to reconcile, but affairs and relationships are complicated matters, especially when excessive emotions are involved. Basically, easier said than done.

If she wishes to work on the marriage, then go to couple’s counseling. Or, if divorce is the only option, then go to counseling by yourself. Either way, a trained professional can help give you the perspective you need to move on, with or without your spouse.

Fixing a marriage after an affair can be a daunting task. Emotions can run high when couples place the blame on one another. The innocent bystander in the affair can feel devastated and betrayed while the other may place the blame or have mixed emotions.

By learning how to cope and rebuild your relationship through this troublesome time, you and your spouse can work out this type of a marital problem.

1. Sit down and communicate your martial problems to help fix a marriage after an affair. Discuss why the affair happened to begin with. An extramarital affair is generally the surface of underlying problems. Avoid getting into placing the blame on one another during your conversation.

Take a time out if one of you starts to feel anger or overly emotional. Resume your conversation after your cooling off period. Determine if you are certain that you want to work through this troubling time or if your nuptials are over.

2. Attend marital counseling to fix a marriage after an affair. By having a therapist present during communication helps couples work out their differences. A marital counselor has no emotions involved in your situation; thus, they are able to help couples learn to communicate effectively and learn to compromise on the daunts of marriage.

3. Avoid places and people that can cause harm to couple’s progress to fix a marriage after an affair. Stay away from bars, night clubs and other places where temptations can arise. Cut off contact with people that are interfering an opinionated about your marital problems. Those types of people will only add more stress to both of you while you work out your problems.

4. Write a letter together to the person whom your spouse had an affair with to fix a marriage after an affair. By writing a letter, you expressing that you are working out your martial problems and that no further contact will continue ever again between the wandering spouse and the person involved in the situation.

Choose to either destroy the letter afterwards or send it if you wish. By writing a letter, it also provides closure to the end of the affair.

5. Start going on dates again with your spouse to fix a marriage after an affair. By going on dates you are trying to reignite that flame and by building new memories. Compromise on choosing dates to rebuild your marriage by alternating who chooses what you will do for each date. Read the rest of this entry »